I used to cry tears of shame and guilt, but God turned them into tears of joy. God took my attitude of shame and turned it into an attitude of gratitude. That’s a big difference. And here is where we learn how to deal with healing. How can I have a spirit of Joy instead of a spirit of shame and self-loathing over my past? There’s a difference there in pride verses humility, in attitudes, in a reliance on God’s strength verses mine own. Let me explain.
When I used to cry thinking about my past, I was guilt-ridden and I would say to God, “Heal me.” But I would still be weeping over my past, how broken I was, and so God could not use me because there was a wall there-the will had not yet let go for God to take over. I was essentially saying, ‘“I don’t believe You the Maker of the Universe can purify this.” Not because of my tears, but because of my attitude. My attitude was attached to feelings that inhibited God from using me in His Kingdom work even though I wanted to be used. He simply could not use me. My attitude was one of pridefulness not humility. I had not approached God like a child even though I felt my prayer sincere.
When I began praying, “Jesus, immerse me in Your ocean of mercy”, “Jesus I trust in Your mercy”, Jesus "by your wounds I am healed”, and reciting those profound words from the Anime Christi, “into Your Wounds I hide”, even though I did not fully believe what I was saying, God began using this humility to give me a different attitude. I didn’t know it at the time that this was happening, but slowly over time, my attitude became one of gratitude so now tears that weep over my past are not from my prideful attachment to shame and guilt but from a humble heart of gratefulness for the powerful Blood of Jesus Christ shed on Calvary. I weep tears of Joy because I have an attitude of gratitude which God Himself gave to me.
I am still human so when the pain immerges from my past I simply go to the Cross and look at that glorious crucifix and say “Even this, Lord, even this, glorify this.”
I come with joy a child of God.
So when you approach Jesus for healing, you are not purified because you are ready, you are purified because of His powerful redemptive Blood poured out for you. Humble yourself before Him. Amen, come Lord Jesus.